Things I Have Been Told By Parents This Week

1. "It's not diarrhea, it's just really loose stool." 

(Liquid is coming out of your child's butt like a faucet.)

2. "I drove him around the neighborhood twice in the middle of the night last night to get him to go to sleep! Oh, and we don't allow him to have binkies, thanks."

(It's amazing that when he's beside himself with exhaustion, a pacifier PACIFIES HIM into falling asleep. Incredible.)

3. "Yes, he takes a bottle."

(No, he doesn't. He doesn't even know how to latch properly. We will find out. There's no point in lying to us.)

4. "He not even close to crawling. Is that normal?"

(Yes. Every child develops differently.)

5. "My son is only eating pureed foods. He's too young for solid foods."

(That's fine. But stop giving your 11 month whole corn kernels before you drop him off at daycare. We're changing those diapers and it makes us suspicious of more than just his diet.)

6. "If you get your tattoo removed you can get a job."

(Watching your precious daughter IS my job, jerk-wad)

7. "Hehe, man [my son] is staring at your shirt, and I know he's not reading the words."

(GTFO)

To All Who Enter Here, Welcome

After working in a daycare setting for almost ten years, I've decided to start a blog to document all the meaningful, absurd, and at times hilarious moments myself and my coworkers encounter everyday: from being told our opinions are invalid by parents who have spent approximately .001% of their time with their mess of a new human, to going in too close and too fast for a diaper sniff and coming up with diarrhea on our nose. We have many, many stories to occupy this space. For every morning we're handed a baby who hasn't been changed since the Nixon administration, and every fisticuffs over the shiny lego, we get to add them to our repitoire of relentless crap we get to deal with. Now you get to hear about it! Welcome to our charmed life.