Things I Have Been Told By Parents This Week

1. "It's not diarrhea, it's just really loose stool." 

(Liquid is coming out of your child's butt like a faucet.)

2. "I drove him around the neighborhood twice in the middle of the night last night to get him to go to sleep! Oh, and we don't allow him to have binkies, thanks."

(It's amazing that when he's beside himself with exhaustion, a pacifier PACIFIES HIM into falling asleep. Incredible.)

3. "Yes, he takes a bottle."

(No, he doesn't. He doesn't even know how to latch properly. We will find out. There's no point in lying to us.)

4. "He not even close to crawling. Is that normal?"

(Yes. Every child develops differently.)

5. "My son is only eating pureed foods. He's too young for solid foods."

(That's fine. But stop giving your 11 month whole corn kernels before you drop him off at daycare. We're changing those diapers and it makes us suspicious of more than just his diet.)

6. "If you get your tattoo removed you can get a job."

(Watching your precious daughter IS my job, jerk-wad)

7. "Hehe, man [my son] is staring at your shirt, and I know he's not reading the words."

(GTFO)